How I walk my walk with God

Why do I write?

I have no answer to that question. I can tell you that I am a quiet human being and sometimes with a lack of social skills and my mind going 100 times a minute, everything just gets boggled up and it comes out so fast and unclear, I just mute myself and observe and take things in. But writing, writing I can do, I can freely express myself and edit it if it doesn’t seem to fit and it also allows me not to be just a human being. It allows me to access my soul and my heart and get down to where everyone needs to be before Jesus. I am freely me, the person becoming who God wants me to be.

I love doing work for God but I tell you if I don’t write, my walk with God would not be here. My poetry has been published before but that means nothing to me. My blabber on here is more important, because I hid behind a computer before, writing meaningless poetry but here it’s my heart, it’s me with Jesus in my life walking beside me.

I used to be so dark and so lonely. I used to hate me. At times I wonder why God made me this way, why he made me so quiet and untrustworthy of every person in this world. I know it probably stems back to friends that I trusted because I didn’t have many and they turned around and stabbed me in my back, or the man I grew up with that I saw sinning right in front of me, or the man I looked up to who suffered and suffered and after seeing someone just slowly die in front of you while you were at every hospital stay and just hung on to that slight hope that would he would live. Either way it all relates back to sin. So I can either run from it, accept it or I can go before God and ask for forgiveness and guidance. God does not want me mopping around feeling sorry for myself for the lack of love and support I didn’t have. He wants me to go out there and spread his name and his glory. Because his love is everlasting and nothing can come between the Fathers love for me. We are all screwed up, we are all sinners, we all have a story. But Jesus died and sacrificed it all on the cross for us, for us to covered by his blood for our sins and our wrong doings. It is his blood who saves us.

I started asking myself “What if I never started at my church? Where would I be in life?” Then I stopped myself. I realized that it was part of God’s path for me so there are no what ifs in the past before I started my journey with God.

God made me who I am. He gave me the ability to put words together and that kind of make sense.

Gods Butterfly

A butterfly flew into my car today. First off, it was a gorgeous day outside so I had the windows rolled down. It flew in at a stop light it was a small young one, but beautiful. I flicked it off and it landed on the car beside me. That didn’t stop it, it flew right back in and stayed on my door till I arrived at my destination. It didn’t fly away either, it gracefully walked up my door to my roof, I could’ve held it. It wasn’t moving away from my car. What does this have to do with anything?

Well it maybe a butterfly but it taught me something. God’s love does not go away even if you think you can get rid of it. You simple cannot. You can turn you’re back but he will still speak into your life and try to get you back to him. He will never give up on you, he will never let you go! Even if you do not see it, God is always there! He loves you too much!

That butterfly was not afraid of me, he knew I was not going to hurt him even though I hurt him in past. I may have grown up a nonbeliever, a outcast, a rebel, I have cursed his name in vein but he knows I love him. He knows me and he knows me heart today. For it is he who changed me.

A butterfly is a symbol of resurrection, for it dies and rises again. It is the story of my life. I may not have physically died but my heart and soul had no meaning until I found Jesus. Jesus is not only the guy who voluntarily got up on the cross and died for me for my sins to be forgiven, but he is also the person who loves me and encourages me to be the person I am becoming.