Digging Out the Hurt

So often times we go through life and we beat ourselves down putting “standards”, burdens, our past, our failure all on top of us and we bury the very person God designed us to be.

All of these things we are not suppose to even carry let alone have it bury us so down that we we lose all sight of hope. We begin to believe our shortfalls our what defines us, our failures are the only thing people see, and that life is pointless because no one sees you, hears you, understands you, or even loves you. So we turn to outside sources to fill the void, to make us feel something or even make us feel nothing. It can be anything, that gives us that feeling. We find it somewhere. It allows us not to feel invincible or hurt for a small window of time.

These are only temporary solutions that will not last. They will only bury us further and further down and it starts a cycle of needing that “high” because it feels that void. Some will lose their life fighting a battle against things they never were meant to battle let alone battle alone. This void we feel is found in God. , people often refer to it as “The God size hole in your heart” and how we fill it determine how we go through our life, day by day, step by step.

Hope, grace, and freedom can be found regardless how bad the situation or past may be.

Hope is found in God. Hope is the last thing we hold on to and the first twinkle we see in our road to healing. Hope is found everywhere. Hope can be found in a smile of a little kids face, or a cry of a baby. It can be a friend reaching out to you, or a mentor to tell you to hold on, it can be just someone finally getting you to see that hope isn’t lost, hope is just buried inside.

Grace is found when we surrender it ALL. It’s confessing every sin and every time you hear and feel the voice of God in conviction and you turn the other cheek. It allowing God into the areas of our life that we keep private in a dark closet in the basement, it’s allowing God in to everything he already knows but confessing it with our lips and on our knees in repentance.

Freedom is found after laying everything down at the foot of the cross. After putting EVERYTHING and surrendering EVERYTHING to God. It’s letting go of the control we think we have in our lives and giving the keys to God. It’s putting Gods hand back on your shoulder and allowing God to lead you. It’s the feeling of a heavy weight coming off your chest. It’s the first breathe of air after feeling trapped for so long.

Life isn’t about the temporary. It’s about the eternal. We either live a life trying to figure out which way to go or we live a life surrendered to God, prayerfully connected, confessing when we need to confess and staying in tuned to the frequency of God.

We all are buried to some extent. It just depends on how we try to unbury ourselves that determines the future God has in store.

Untapped Power

Prayer is an untapped source of power to so many. Many of us unknowingly put it off as just another task to do or we just need to check that religious box, “I prayed today”. But it’s so powerful and we shouldn’t neglect it. Why do we open our lips before we get on our knees? Why do we think we have it all figured out, when in reality we know only a small amount of anything?

Jesus said in John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” We can do NOTHING of the spirit without him, yet we think we can rule this world and this flesh without him. We think that if we don’t pray, it all will work itself out but it’s a wrong way to think.

Prayer is so powerful we shouldn’t neglect it. We need to cry out for our city, our neighborhoods, the lost, our nation. We should cry out to God about the darkness in this world because it is not okay. We should cry to God to surrender all of us because we need to be filled with all of Him. We can’t change the world by ourselves but with God anything is possible.

This world needs Jesus. This city of Baltimore is in desperate need of Jesus. We can’t expect mountains to move if we never get our knees.

Expectations of God 

Today’s sermon had tears flowing down my cheek. It’s Palm Sunday! It’s the entry of the King, our redeemer!!

But it wasn’t typical Palm Sunday service. This sermon was about expectations. We know the Jesus was and is the redeemer, the King, but they didn’t. The people heard the word that the King was coming. They expect status. They expect a stallion, they expect a king. But God’s way was a donkey and not just a king but The King.

We spend our lives doing the same thing. We expect God to move a certain way, we expect God to show up in ways we define. If there is anything negative, we automatically presume that God isn’t moving. Here’s a secret: God is moving in ways we cannot see, sometimes we have to break in order to be built back up. Sometimes we have to go through things because God is going to use it later. Not only that, but when we define how God should be doing something, we are limiting not only the blessing, and the move of God but also the impact how God can use us to do great things. 

God is amazing, but how many of us have expectations of God. We set “standards” and “guidelines”. We set marks to say that if it fits it’s God, if it doesn’t then no way. When Jesus was entering Jerusalem on a donkey the people, stated this didn’t fit their God as they define him. They turned their back on Jesus, not for the lack of belief, but for the lack of fitting their expectations. 

I  am writing this not because I feel everyone does this. I’m writing this because I’ve done it. I’m writing this because I’ve seen so many people do this, including people I’m close to. 

Don’t expect God to move a certain way. As Pastor Tally Wilgis stated today, “You could be in the middle of a miracle.” Just surrender, give up full control. “Expect God to do God’s work, God’s way.” -Pastor Tally. 

Jump in the Pool 

Are you really wanting to be healed? Are willing to go to any measure and any circumstances to get the miracle? 
John 5:1-17 talks about a man by the pool of water, in which in the pool at times Angels would bless the water and the first one in was healed. This guy was by the water wanting to be healed for 38 years, but always left a gap between where he was and the water pool. This allowed others to always be in front of him. He wasn’t going above and beyond to attempt to be healed. He could’ve fell into the water if he was at the waters edge, he could done something more than just be on his bed.  However, in reality he became comfortable where he was. He didn’t really want to change, regardless of what his word spoken may have been.

How many of us today do the same thing? We sit there and we go and we wonder why God isn’t moving in our life and why things are not changing?  Why are we still struggling with the same things over and over again? Some say it’s a pattern, but from just this scripture it’s because we may have temporarily given things up to God but we slowly go back into the same stuff. 

For instance, I battle with loneliness. Why? Because I don’t think God is enough for me. That’s the true answer. But I have told myself it’s because I’m an introvert, it’s because I have no friends, it’s because no one cares, it’s because of this or that. Things begin to change, communication channels begin to open and I don’t feel lonely anymore but it’s only for a moment. I go back being insecure, I go back to thinking I’m not good enough, I go back to tiptoeing with my faith, I go back trying to please everyone. 

I don’t want to change because I’m comfortable being insecure, sad enough to say. I’m comfortable being this broken woman. I’m comfortable in all things. I see fear and I run from it rather then trying to overcome it. I see great things, I see potential in my self, which is a battle in itself,  and I run. I run because why would God use this woman. Why would God use me? Why am I special? Why am I chosen? 

I have this feeling that I can go great things; that I was born to help change this world, at least the city of Baltimore. God has placed me in a great place to start my journey. But I can’t even accomplish any of this if I don’t jump into the pool of water, even if I’m not the first one the first time, it’s okay because God will give me another chance. I just have to be willing to move when it’s time. 

God is enough for me. God can do all things. 


Jesus died a torturous death, hanging on the cross for our sins. We are all sinners, none of us are perfect. He died for me, he died for you. He died so we could live a life in glory of his name.

He was separated from his Father, his Father was taking all the aggression and anger He had toward sin and putting the punishment on His own flesh. As if a child was severely beaten for the act of another, but by his own will, not by accusation. 

God did it just so that WE could be saved through Christ Jesus. 

Yet we take our burdens today and sit and take pity on ourselves because we have a “challenge” to face.  Maybe, we are stressed out. Maybe even we think we failed and suddenly our lives are falling apart. Yes, at times I feel separated from God, that’s normal, even Jesus felt separated from his own Father, and they are one. It’s hard to realize that He will not forsake me. He is not like everyone else in my past, not even a little close.

I took my burdens and I let them drown me the other day. I let them consume so much so that I did not even take a chance to put my hope and my peace back in Jesus. My stresses in life and my burdens do not define me. But I let them define me that day, I didn’t surrender.  They are not who I am.  I am God’s daughter and He is my Father and I am saved through Christ because he shed his blood on my behalf. This world is not my home so letting this world influence my walk with God, is letting the enemy win.