I went around this weekend, thinking that I would not have any friends come around me just be with me on my birthday. I thought no one cared, that no one wanted to celebrate that God brought me into this world 28 years ago.
I have never been giving a birthday party because my birthday feel awkwardly at the beginning of the school year, so I never knew anyone. As a little girl, I got used to my birthday just being the family being together, and maybe going next door to that other girls birthday party next door, who shared my same birthday, just a few years older. I never knew what it was like to be the “Birthday Girl”.
I felt down all week because I didn’t have anyone to celebrate with. I felt like no one is even going to notice. But they did, God did. My heavenly father told me “Happy Birthday”
Do you know when you get a card for your birthday about a past memory? Well I got God’s birthday card today.
God took me back to not exactly two year ago, but pretty close. The day this lost soul stepped in the doors to Captivate. He had me go in when normal guests would arrive, he had me greeted as if I was a guest, he had hugs to be given out, he had his worship play a song that they sang two years ago. A song this girl didn’t know and didn’t want to sing and had no idea what the definition of worship was. A song that today, I sang my whole heart out and tears ran down my cheeks because God just took me back to remind me where I came from and how far I have grown in him and how lost I was without him and just to show me how much he loves me. He just took my heart and made it his and took my life and just put in his hand.
Tonight I celebrated my birthday with my new family that I met two years ago. It may have just been a song and a cake that was sang but it went from 5 people singing “Happy Birthday” to two times that singing it tonight. I was embraced, but honored and loved. God wanted to show me that I am never alone, that these people are beside me and are here for me. I love my family.
My Father created me to serve him, to worship him, to do his will and not my own. If I go around celebrating my birthday without celebrating him then it’s a wasted birthday because I didn’t honor my creator. Today I walked in to church thinking “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” to “It’s my birthday because he has a plan for me and he decided that I am still worth it”.
Thank you God.
Ever felt alone in a crowd full of people or just felt alone?
I feel that on a weekly basis. My family makes me feel that way, my lack of friends make me feel that way. I struggle with loneliness, almost everyone does. Why do I feel alone even when I’m with people who love me and genuinely care for me? I get no support from them. I get love, I suppose but I don’t get support. But why do I need support? Why do I need their blessing? I don’t, but part of me does. Part of me does not want to feel like the “odd-man” out. The one that gets “shunned” because she isn’t like anyone else. It’s like high school all over again, except in a family sense. They expect you to be there but if you “check-out” because you don’t agree with something or if you feel like the fifth or seventh wheel and don’t talk or don’t want to jump into a middle of a conversation then there’s something wrong with you. The thing that’s wrong with me is I just love Jesus too much according to them.
I am a Christian but apparently I am too loud on social media, on my blog, on everything. I should be quiet, I should sit in the corner and not talk about it. Listen, I love every single family member, every friend, every person but I will express my love for Jesus, just as much as you and the person next you who spread their love for their kids or spouses. Most people don’t care about what others think when they spread that. Why is it that when we take a picture of kids or something stupid that someone did get more likes then someone saying simply, “God loves you ” or just simply a bible versus? Oh wait, that’s not important, it’s not cool enough. It’s not cool enough to share that post, or to like it. It’s not good enough, or that person is just crazy, you can’t love Jesus that much. Guess what? You can. Guess what? You haven’t experienced God’s love if you haven’t ever felt that way. You should feel that way everyday, you should feel like a new believer everyday, you should open your bible everyday just like a new believer. We should not just let the Gospel leave us and become just a person who attends church. We should not go on living our life as though we don’t have a purpose in life. Jesus gave us our mission to spread the Gospel and build the church, not to shut the bible and re-open the bible and the doors of church until Sunday morning. How can you spread it, if you don’t read or talk about it? I am sorry. I am not a quiet Christian but I am a quiet person. I have been told by people “it’s just a phase, you’ll get over it” or “It’s because you’re a new believer”. I have not shut up since I became a new believer and I don’t want to nor will I let myself shut up. I am trying to live my life as an example, not as a “phase” that I will out grow. Maybe you should try it, live to represent him, don’t live to put him in your back pocket and try to whip him out when it’s convenient.
It doesn’t matter if I am the “odd-man” out, it doesn’t matter if I am lonely because ultimately as long as I have Jesus in my life I will never be lonely or unloved.