The Age Gap

As an almost 29 year-old, I am struggling. I am at an age gap where I want to be able to meet people, but a bar is not the place. I am at the age where I have to find a group of people who love me, and will be there when I need them, because its time to grow up, even though I’m stuck in my teens at heart. It’s time to realize the lies I’ve told myself were not true. The judgement I placed on people were my own fears reflected back to me. The lack of love I felt from people was not that it wasn’t there, it was because I was turning away from it, not looking at it straight on because I was afraid.

The lies I’ve told myself are lies of a teenagers mind, the lies that people tell you because of their insecurities. I’ve told myself I’m worthless, but I’m not. I’m worthy of everything as I am a daughter of a King. I’ve told myself I’m a failure, but I’m not because I have a purpose in my life to the will of my Father, and I can’t fail until the day I stop breathing. I’m told myself that no one will like me because I’m too ugly or too fat, that lies of a teenager still haunts me today, but the mere fact is they are not true. I’m a beautiful woman who may struggle with her eating habits, there’s help for me there, but God doesn’t judge me on my size, he doesn’t judge me on whether or not I have brunette hair or blonde hair or even if I put an effort on getting ready. He simply doesn’t care, only I care what other’s will think.

I’ve judged people, a lot of people, Lord please forgive me. I have misjudged people based on their attitudes that day, or their personality. Here is the thing, most of those judgments are a reflection of myself, attributes of myself, that I don’t like to see pawned out, whether it’s anger, bitterness, or any other fowl feeling mood. I am afraid that I will be the old me, full of anger and bitterness. So seeing those people I see myself and I judge them as not being loving, but it may just be there way of loving in the moment. Regardless, it doesn’t matter, because the old me is dead, where some attributes will forever haunt me, they do not define me anymore.

There are people out there who love me because I am me, not because I look a certain way or was born with their DNA. There is a Father in heaven who never once stopped loving me. There is my Savior who died for me, the ultimate love and sacrifice, dying for the sins I struggle with on a daily basis, who is seated at the right hand of the Father who loves me.

I maybe struggling right now in the age gap. But it doesn’t change who I am in Christ. I’m still a child of God. I am still pursuing a deeper relationship with Jesus. I am full of joy knowing that I am loved through all my struggles and all my ups.

“Newness of Life”

Inspired by Carrie Underwood “Something in the Water”

I grew up in a church that was not about the baptism or at least not publicized . I honestly, do not know what they believed, I was 11 the last time I stepped foot in that church.  I did not step foot into another church till I was in my late teens or early 20s. I was searching for something, but I didn’t know what. When someone told me to join them for church, I would say “sure” but I never filled out anything and typically would only return a few months later with the same person.

Why church? I do not know. I could’ve tried something else. I liked singing the traditional songs, I knew them, but I didn’t get anything out of it. I was lost. I had no idea what was going on right in front of me.

I started the church I am at now by going to a baptism, because even though I knew nothing about the faith, even though I knew nothing about Jesus. I knew baptism of a person was a huge deal. I went to support her and watch her get baptized.  I was saved two weeks after that. However, I did not get baptized until 10 months after starting the church.

I did not get baptized because I was scared. I thought I was ready months before. But I wasn’t. I was still trying to figure out this whole follower of Christ thing, I did not share on Social Media about my faith, I didn’t share to anyone about my faith. I was scared of what people thought of me. But then I began to journal, I began writing about my faith, I began reading the bible more. I began trusting God with my life. I started just giving everything up to Him.

As I began that, the “Baptism Sign-ups” just kept glaring at me. I kept thinking, I can do this, but I did not want anyone to see me sign-up, I didn’t want a million and one questions. I didn’t want the attention. So one Sunday, for an odd reason no one was around yet. I wrote my name on that list. A month later I was baptized.

My faith went from being just a thing “I do” to becoming my life. I was consumed by the faith. There are many aspects of my life that changed from that day on. When Carrie Underwood states “There’s something in the water” it’s true. Completely true. There are many parts of the bible that talks about Baptism. Here’s what it says in Romans:

“Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” Romans 6:3-4 ESV

I changed. My family looks at me differently now, my “friends” became my old friends, and new friends, a new family started. You are not meant to walk the earth by yourself. You are not meant to be a follower of Jesus Christ by yourself.

I was singing Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) at a Phil Wickham concert the other day and I was amazed. My church sang this when I was lost. My church sang this and I did but just as a “sing-a-long” and only to the “Amazing Grace” part of the song. But just the other week, I was singing it from the heart and I realized that my chains are gone. There’s only a few left but those will take many years to break but the ones that I thought were anchored to bottom the sea, that I could never break from. They are no longer there. It was a freeing moment.