Sacrifice

The other night in growth group one of the ladies asked “How do you even begin to know what Jesus went through?”

I answered with something our Pastor said awhile ago.

“Love is rooted in sacrifice.” – Pastor Tally Wilgis

God sent his Son, Jesus to be the sacrificial lamb. He sent Jesus to die for us so we didn’t have to.

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 6:23

He sent his Son because he loves us because he wants us to be with him for eternity. We get the free gift of eternal life, but Jesus lived in this world and then voluntarily hung on executioners cross and died for our sins just so all of us can have the gift of eternal life.

Think about that for a moment, Jesus died for you. He voluntarily got up on the cross. He is God in flesh, he could’ve stop it. But he didn’t. He didn’t want to die in Matthew 26:39 Jesus says “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” In another Gospel it says he was so anguished that he was sweating drops of blood. Can you now imagine what he was going through? I still couldn’t.

But I said to them for us to experience even a glimpse of what he went through. Try doing something for someone else when you don’t want to or don’t have the time to. It might be a silly sacrifice but when you had a hard day at work and all you can think about our pjs and your favorite shows and someone you know is hurting or is having a rough day, try switching your plans around to put them first above your own. You’ll get frustrated and you might even get mad because you don’t want to sacrifice the time or energy of your own time.

One of my big things I tell myself is when I don’t want to do something it probably means I should be doing it. Meaning that when I evaluate something by my mere flesh and worldly views my automatic response is I don’t want to. I don’t have time. I don’t have the energy. But when I evaluate through the lens of the spirit I immediately go through it differently. I ask is this purposeful? Does it impact a person? The Kingdom? Is it meaningful? So when I don’t want to do something a lot of times it’s my flesh fighting back because my flesh doesn’t want to put others above me.

One of my pet peeves is when people say they follow Jesus and “live it out” but there is no sacrificing for others and it’s always about them.

God is Love. Love is rooted in sacrifice. And in order for us to show the love of God we have sacrifice time, talent, treasure. We have to be willing to give something even when there is no return.

Dwelling in the Past

20 years ago my life was altered. It was shattered into tiny pieces, some getting lost along the way. My Poppop died 20 years ago after a battle with leukemia.

I remember where I was when I heard the news, alone. I was downstairs trying to hold it together. I swollowed the sadness and held it in, even though I wanted to just run away or even die myself.  My life was ruined. I was only 10 years old. 
You see I walked the journey with him. I held his hand has he fought the cancer. I went to most doctor visits and always was there with him in and out of the hospital. If no one was allowed to go, I was the exception. Yet, I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t fight it for him as much as I wanted to. 

I saw every up when the cancer would go into remission and he acted like himself again. I got so hopeful every time. And every time I would be heartbroken when I saw him getting worse. I remember being so angry at God for not healing him. 

I saw every low when his flesh became so pale, his skin so cold. I remember seeing the look on his face when he knew we would never see each other again. I remember that last hug he gave. I didn’t want to let go. 

Poppop died a few days after I last saw him. We were taken out of town to see other family. Honestly, it probably was on purpose so we didn’t see him die literally before our eyes. 

I still remember thinking his death was my fault. I took the blame and shame onto myself. “If only I…” just kept repeating in my head even though I knew I couldn’t stop the cancer.

Today I went back to a place where he underwent his cancer treatments. It was a very freeing experience. I wasn’t there for mourning, I wasn’t there to have the memories flood. I was there for a friend. I was there because it’s where God brought her to undergo observation and where God ultimately led me to. It’s no coincidence that God brought me back to where I lost myself over 20 yeas ago.  

God always has a plan, even if the outcome isn’t in our best interest. My Poppop might have died. I might have lost myself in that and defined myself by that, but it makes me no less of the person I am today because of that.  

I wouldn’t be who I am if I never went through the storm. So I can sit here and try to say a part of me died that day but really it was God ultimately using that to define my path and my story.  God’s not done with me. He’s not done with you. 

Don’t be your own worst enemy

Don’t be your own worst enemy. I’m sure you are questioning that last part. Let me tell you what I am talking about.

Over the past few months, I haven’t felt motivated to dig deep. I haven’t felt motivated to grow. I haven’t really felt connected to God, at times I felt abandoned and alone. I tried to do my personal Bible readings,  but it was a complete struggle. I stopped listening to sermons online, I stopped listening to Podcasts, to me I just didn’t “feel” like it. However, those moments began to add up and soon I “forgot” about them.

Then my personal Bible readings, I noticed only happening Sunday mornings. As much as I longed for the Word, I noticed the Word began to feel like only words as if it was just a book.  I felt numb and pulling away from my walk.

I didn’t know what was going on. I felt like I was slipping down in a spiral and that I couldn’t stop myself. But I began to journal and I figured out what I was longing for, love. Just to feel loved, because over the past few months I felt empty and alone. I didn’t go out and search for it like I did in the past, but the temptation starred at me in the face.  Instead, I isolated myself. I became my own worst enemy.

Here are the problems with isolation; temptation, thoughts, and forgetting who God says we are. Temptation stares at you in the face and the flesh is quicker to win when you remain isolated. Those negative thoughts speak louder. Who God says you are gets put away and you begin to believe the thoughts that you are worthless, unloveable, no good…etc. I could go on, but those words reply over and over in your head and you begin to believe them.

But we are sons and daughters of God. We are His children. He loves us. He never has stopped loving us. Just because you slip into isolation and you slip into darkness. Doesn’t mean God has forgotten about you. It doesn’t mean that God has given up on you. It doesn’t mean all of a sudden you are unqualified to be His Child. What it means is that it is time to stop thinking about your OWN wants, your OWN desires, just stop thinking about YOU.  And start focusing on who GOD wants us to love, OTHERS.

So when I say don’t become your own worst enemy, what I am saying is selfishness will only lead to isolation and separation from God, but LOVE, love will lead to God because “if we love God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.” (1 John 4:12b)

So wipe the tears away, get off your bed, and start walking towards who God called you to be.

 

 

He will not Abandon

God is with us.

That is the saying right? The saying the truth that we are all suppose to believe. God is with us.

I have debated this in my head all day long. I have come to realization that I haven’t been living as though He is with me. I have suffered from depression and ultimate feeling of feeling lonely but I was never alone. I just didn’t know God was there.

God is there regardless of what I am going through. Regardless if it’s a really bad day and nothing is going right, or if it’s a great day and everything is going great. He is also there when you fall to your knees and pray your heart out to Him, He is listening.

I have made it a pattern in my life that when something is not going right, it seems like I am going to have a bad day, I pause and I say a little prayer and then laugh and tell myself, “One thing cannot ruin my day” . I sometimes have to give myself a pep talk and tell myself that, “Whatever comes at me today, it’ll okay, because at the end of the day God you will not abandon me”. It surprises me that just be reminding myself that on days when I feel down, on days I do not want to get out of bed and face reality, I have a great day. God is with me throughout the day to remind me He will not abandon me.

But yet at my darkest moments, when I feel like I have failed life, when I feel like I am going backwards instead of moving forwards. I forget God is there. I forget that He is there when I sin, He is there in my darkest moments. But when I get to the point that I need Him to be there, when I open my bible and I cry out to him, I realize that He was there all along. He is the light that shines in my darkest times. I realized that I should never act that. I should never get so down on myself. But it happens. It happens if I don’t remind myself, that I am living my life not by own will, but His who put me here. My life is about doing God’s will through me. If it means picking up trash, if it means helping an old lady up the stairs, if it means sacrificing time that I could have to have “fun” or to be with my family or to sleep, if it means doing things that makes me sweat, if it things that makes me cry, if it means I lose for others to gain, I am okay with that.

God is there when I fall, and He will be there to lift me back up. I will face trails, I will face temptation, I will face fear. But hopefully reminding myself the God is with me always, and He will not abandon me, He will not forsake me, then maybe I will choose God more and choose sin less. I will be a bit more courageous when I feel fear creep over me. God can do amazing things through me, if I choose Him more.

God’s Path

James 4:15 “Instead yo ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths”

God’s will. Our paths he chose for us.

Christians, non-Christians, regardless of who you are we have no control of any given situation. Yet we live our lives like we do. We put burdens and stresses on our shoulders and it impacts everything we do and how we act. It affects your family, your kids, and everyone around you. Non-Christians believe that it’s their will and it will be done, therefore they put all effort and energy into doing things to get things done. Yet, Christians will say “But if it’s God’s will…” but we do not practice those very words. We act like we have control of the outcome. The only control that we have is the control of ourselves praying, but yet many of us still do not pray.  As Christians we should be full of joy not stresses and burdens. 

Last week, I was beyond stressed, I was sick, but I don’t know what came first. Was I sick because I was stressed out? or Was I actually sick and it enhanced my stress? I have no idea. But what I do know is that today, I am not sick, I am not stressed, the burdens are no longer there. Why? Because I gave up my ability to control the situation. I gave it back to God who had it to begin with. I was foolish. I was not being a true Christ follower. I was being a selfish person who thought she could control her own life, and I look back at last week and all my days before that and I think, God did everything, and I did nothing. That time I got into college when I didn’t even hit the “Submit” button on the online application, God hit it for me.  

There are things in our lives that we just need to give it over to God. We may think we have control, but we do not. He makes our paths, we just build the trenches, that keep us from going forward down that path.