Tapping Out

Let me start off by saying, this may not be like my others posts or maybe it will be very similar…

This week had been a great week. I learned a lot about more who I am and more about the potential that not just I have but everyone around me. But yesterday it took a turn for the worse.

I worked over my scheduled time, I got my job done. But I was empty.  I started to get punched in the face by the feeling of unworthiness and loneliness. The enemy just kept speaking in my ear that I am a failure, that I have no friends, or anyone who even cares. When I got home from work I took everything into my room, so people would think I was not home and I laid in bed and cried. The devil had beaten me up. He thought he won.

Typically, if I feel down, I do not make it public knowledge. I keep it in. But this time was different. The devil really wanted to win. So I posted it on Facebook. That was a bold move for me, I wanted to delete it as soon as I posted it. But it made a huge difference. It allowed for people to speak words of encouragement to me. And remind me that I am not in this alone. 

God is here. God has always been here. He has been moving in my life in ways seen and unseen. But the devil took my insecurities and spoke them repeatedly until they were the only thing that I could focus on, and it took God out of the equation.

BUT I didn’t let him win. Even Today was terrible. Today my insecurities got worse and my view on life dwindled along with hope. I laid in bed and started getting beat up again. I glimpsed outside at Gods beautiful creation and was reminded that God is with me. The punches let up. I started to hear God again. 

God told me it was time to get up, but not to give up. It was time to tap out and call my Father in because trying to battle the devil by myself, I will never win. 

None of us will win if we try battle the devil by ourselves. None one. We can pretend and try hide all of the bruises that we get from the battles, but typically people can see through them. People can see behind the mask that we put on as much as we try to hide behind it. 

God doesn’t want us to be bound to chains or have to hide behind a mask because we are beat up and bruised from the past or a battle. He wants us to show the scars and bruises. It’s the way to show people that even the most bruised and scared and can still be saved and are ever-so beautiful in God’s eyes. 

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