Ever felt alone in a crowd full of people or just felt alone?
I feel that on a weekly basis. My family makes me feel that way, my lack of friends make me feel that way. I struggle with loneliness, almost everyone does. Why do I feel alone even when I’m with people who love me and genuinely care for me? I get no support from them. I get love, I suppose but I don’t get support. But why do I need support? Why do I need their blessing? I don’t, but part of me does. Part of me does not want to feel like the “odd-man” out. The one that gets “shunned” because she isn’t like anyone else. It’s like high school all over again, except in a family sense. They expect you to be there but if you “check-out” because you don’t agree with something or if you feel like the fifth or seventh wheel and don’t talk or don’t want to jump into a middle of a conversation then there’s something wrong with you. The thing that’s wrong with me is I just love Jesus too much according to them.
I am a Christian but apparently I am too loud on social media, on my blog, on everything. I should be quiet, I should sit in the corner and not talk about it. Listen, I love every single family member, every friend, every person but I will express my love for Jesus, just as much as you and the person next you who spread their love for their kids or spouses. Most people don’t care about what others think when they spread that. Why is it that when we take a picture of kids or something stupid that someone did get more likes then someone saying simply, “God loves you ” or just simply a bible versus? Oh wait, that’s not important, it’s not cool enough. It’s not cool enough to share that post, or to like it. It’s not good enough, or that person is just crazy, you can’t love Jesus that much. Guess what? You can. Guess what? You haven’t experienced God’s love if you haven’t ever felt that way. You should feel that way everyday, you should feel like a new believer everyday, you should open your bible everyday just like a new believer. We should not just let the Gospel leave us and become just a person who attends church. We should not go on living our life as though we don’t have a purpose in life. Jesus gave us our mission to spread the Gospel and build the church, not to shut the bible and re-open the bible and the doors of church until Sunday morning. How can you spread it, if you don’t read or talk about it? I am sorry. I am not a quiet Christian but I am a quiet person. I have been told by people “it’s just a phase, you’ll get over it” or “It’s because you’re a new believer”. I have not shut up since I became a new believer and I don’t want to nor will I let myself shut up. I am trying to live my life as an example, not as a “phase” that I will out grow. Maybe you should try it, live to represent him, don’t live to put him in your back pocket and try to whip him out when it’s convenient.
It doesn’t matter if I am the “odd-man” out, it doesn’t matter if I am lonely because ultimately as long as I have Jesus in my life I will never be lonely or unloved.
Tanya Elise 